The Pursuit of Happiness

From my experience, Westerners tend to complain about their lives and openly ‘seek’ happiness far more than those living in the developing world.

Am I happy today? Do I think I’m happier at this point in my life than I was when I was younger? Am I worried about how declining health as I age will affect my ability to be happy? What does happiness really mean to me anyway?

Ah, yes, happiness; that illusive commodity that we spend so much of our time pursuing by reading self-help books, attending workshops and seminars, going to private counseling/therapy sessions and in conversation with our closest friends.

Although many individuals and organizations have repeatedly tried to quantify this state of being by releasing an annual happiness index, the results have been unconvincing.

In her statistical analysis of happiness in various regions of the world, author Carol Graham sums up the difficulty of drawing conclusions about well-being based on Western points of reference in the title of her book “Happiness Around the World: the paradox of happy peasants and miserable millionaires.”

So, if happiness isn’t a product of prosperity, then what does create this much sought-after state of being?

The roots of happiness—causes—desire for it—perceived importance—individual vs collective goals can be viewed quite differently from one culture to another.

Western Hurdles to Happiness

In highly competitive Westernized cities like Hong Kong, the happiness of residents is constantly challenged by the need to keep up with the hectic pace of commerce.

In my opinion, the current worry in many Western cultures that we’re somehow not happy enough is closely connected to the American advertising industry which is constantly working on new ways to convince consumers they ‘need’ to buy new products.

The message conveyed by corporations is that you’re not attractive enough, smart enough, healthy enough or wealthy enough as you are at the moment, but that miraculously (and quickly) these problems can be fixed with the swipe of a credit card.

The subliminal message is often that a specific product will make you look or feel like someone else, someone who fits a stereotype that’s been perpetuated within the popular culture.

Of course, I wouldn’t mind being gorgeous, rich and having the IQ of an Einstein, but based on my past experiences in life, I don’t believe any of those things would necessarily make me happier.

From my readings, most psychologists would agree that whenever we begin comparing ourselves to others, we’re setting ourselves up for disappointment since there will always be people smarter, more attractive, richer and seemingly happier than us somewhere on the planet.

The keeping up with the Jones’ syndrome (or the malady of ‘afluenza’ as it’s also been described) that’s been part of American culture for decades, appears to not be a sustainable platform for happiness.

In fact, I’d argue that just the reverse is true. The more strongly we believe that material possessions will bring happiness, the more dissatisfied we’re likely to be with our lives.

In America, even some ‘brands’ of Christianity have become closely linked to rampant materialism through ‘the gospel of prosperity.’

Finding Fault

As Westerners, we’re also taught to think critically and look for problems or find fault since only by recognizing problems can one then focus on developing solutions–think manufacturing, business, science, medicine. While this concept can have great value when applied to our professional lives, it often becomes a problem when applied too rigidly to personal relationships.

While constructive criticism can bring a heightened sense of awareness and lead to personal growth, having a partner or friend who’s constantly looking for flaws and finding fault in others can easily lead to the destruction of a relationship.

While I believe it’s important to look critically at ourselves and our culture, it can open a Pandora’s Box of worries that can lead to, well–unhappiness. Plus, the act of observing the world with a critical eye isn’t a sentiment that’s necessarily shared by people in many parts of the world.

Cultural Variation

In the Arabian Gulf, a good day is measured by enjoyable times spent with family and friends, rather than by some measure of productivity or how much one has accomplished.

I’ve learned a great deal about the art of just ‘being’ by observing the locals in other cultures where I’ve lived and worked–most notably Southeast Asia, the Middle East and now Latin America.

My Thai and Omani friends always placed time with family and friends far above work duties. That kind of thinking may not always lead to the highest quality outcomes on an organizational level, but in my estimation, it does allow people to live in a way that’s less burdened by guilt and the trappings of materialism.

So, do people living in distant cultures appear to be happier than Americans and other Westerners? And if so, what aspects of their cultures could we seek to incorporate into our own in order to live happier and more fulfilling lives?

Arab Culture

Close family ties and dedication to Islam remain the bedrock that leads to contentment and happiness in much of the Arab world.

The collectivistic aspects of Arab culture, where each family member’s behavior is expected to benefit the unit rather than bestow fame or wealth in the name of an individual, seems to provide a level of emotional and financial security that’s almost completely absent in many Western cultures.

Mothers traditionally choose brides for their sons, and the entire family is often involved in approving a husband for a daughter. In addition, spouses are usually chosen from within the extended family (even a first cousin), so all parties will still remain part of the collective fold even if a divorce separates the couple legally.

The family also often determines a young adult’s profession in much of the Arab world. While we as Westerners may look on this practice negatively, there is something to be said for not having to sift through the bewildering number of choices we seem to have as young adults in a Western context. Sure, I want to consciously believe I have control over my life, but at times the thought of relinquishing that responsibility (and all the stress that goes along with it) to someone else seems very appealing.

While it’s difficult to understate the importance of family ties in the Arab world, Islam is a religion that binds its followers together within a very similar structure of daily life. It sets out specific guidelines for the duties that a Muslim must perform which as I see it takes away a lot of the guesswork we do when choosing right from wrong behaviors as Westerners. Making what’s later determined to be a bad choice in a Western context often leads to feelings of guilt. If I’ve checked off my daily duties, then I’m less likely to feel like I haven’t done enough.

The teachings of Islam also appear to provide a level of assuredness and trust that acts as a balance to counter the forces of doubt and insecurity that often plague modern humans. During my years of teaching in Oman, I had multiple students tell me that Islam (and the Holy Quran) contained all the answers to life’s questions.

I must admit that during the course of a stressful work day, such assurances must be comforting indeed. Perhaps the Muslim practice of praying five times per day works as a form of meditation that brings the believer back to a centered state of being where happiness and contentment are most likely to be found.

Regardless of where the essence of their calm demeanor originates, I found Omanis to be some of the most peaceful and worry-free people I’ve ever encountered.

Thai Culture

Making merit–here in a Buddhist temple–with the hope for a better existence in the future is one of the methods Thais use to pursue (or attempt to assure) happiness.

Religion is also a factor in maintaining a state of happiness in the lives of residents of SE Asian countries. The tolerant, relaxed form of Theravada Buddhism that’s practiced in this region seems to have few hard and fast rules to govern behavior, although showing kindness, compassion and respect to others in general is a central tenant.

The concept of karma is also a key factor in determining levels of contentment in these cultures, because it allows a person to recognize and perform specific actions that are believed to bring about happier or more fortunate lives in the future. Making merit–giving money or performing a compassionate act–is seen as the best way to improve one’s current circumstances as well as future incarnations.

Thais often mention ‘sanook’, which roughly translates as ‘fun’, as being one of the most important aspects of life. As a teacher, I quickly found out that my lessons were more effective if they contained an element of sanook.

Thais just wanna have fun, and impromptu parties such as this one in Bangkok are an almost daily ritual.

Alongside sanook in Thai culture, comes a reluctance to discuss politics or other subjects that might prove unpleasant. In practice, it seemed that Thais had worked out a way to avoid or even ignore outside events that might disrupt their happiness.

Accepting One’s Fate

Another (and perhaps darker) aspect of Theravadin Buddhist culture is the belief in fatalism. If one’s current life has been determined by past actions, then there is little one can do to improve their current circumstances. Again, this can give the believer a sense that they don’t have to worry about making difficult decisions or strive to bring about change since their lot in this life is set.

This belief in fatalism (and the status quo) appears to originate in Hinduism and could also help explain how the poor, uneducated SE Asian laborers, who keep the Arabian Gulf’s largest economies humming, can bear the difficult lives they’ve been given. They must maintain grueling schedules, are paid low wages and sometimes spend their entire lives away from their home countries in order to provide the bare necessities for their families.

Even though I would have an extremely difficult time accepting that I had no control over my fate, when it has been experienced as a part of one’s culture, I can understand how the duality of happiness vs unhappiness might cease to exist.

Latin American Culture

It’s normal to see an entire Colombian family sitting patiently waiting for a child to have a haircut. A relaxed pace of life that allows for simply enjoying time together is much more important than adhering to any sort of schedule.

In Mexico and Colombia where I’ve lived, the locals tend to focus on the positive aspects of their lives at the moment, rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. Maintaining a festive atmosphere and the pursuit of fun also seems to be extremely important as evidenced by the music that’s played everywhere (and at all hours).

As is true in both Thai and Arab cultures, the family also plays a pivotal role in supplying emotional and financial security. Perhaps due to their Colonial history of subjugation and the civil unrest that prevailed through much of the 20th century as well, Latin American peoples have had to depend on the family to fill the role that’s provided by the state in much of the West.

What the West Can Learn

In much of the developing world outside the obvious extremes of a war zone, stress-related illnesses are almost unknown. Compare that to the number of Americans taking antidepressants, sleep aids and suffering from autoimmune diseases, and it seems clear we’re living our lives in a rather unnatural way.

Instead of looking to medical science and technology for answers, perhaps we could benefit from studying the causes of well-being in the developing world and seek their guidance on how to live happier and more fulfilling lives.

From my experience, Westerners tend to complain about their lives and openly ‘seek’ happiness far more than folks in the developing world.

In many ways, this is a first world luxury; a frivolous action that many of the world’s poorer populations just don’t have time for.

In my memory, I can still visualize those South Asian laborers going about their duties. On any given (stressful) day during my 8 years in Oman, all I had to do to adjust my attitude was to look out the window. During those moments, I was always made aware that their concept of happiness was very different from mine.

Peace~henry

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19 thoughts on “The Pursuit of Happiness

  1. My dear friend, this article is undoubtedly my favorite read of everything you’ve written so far. For years I’ve observed you observing others and have loved our conversations, and learned from you. I personally think you’re spot on about the influence of advertising on our western culture, and presumably on all First World nations. I think that being an American, having generally attained comfort (shelter, nourishment, freedom), opens us up to being preoccupied with vanity and self-importance — Advertising just walks right in that big open door. The acquisition of stuff and fixation on appearances feeds this preoccupation. When one’s mind is cluttered with trivial matters how can there be much room for that which brings us true happiness? See, there I go jabbering on philosophically about happiness, instead of s.i.m.p.l.y…b.e.i.n.g.

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  2. Thanks for your very kind comments Kristy. From my own personal view, it seems that our preoccupation with ‘finding’ happiness may be the biggest stumbling block to actually attaining it. I suppose this hits home for me more than most since it ties into my chronic search for the ‘perfect’ place to live. Just as Dorothy found out in The Wizard of Oz, it’s very easy to overlook the blessings we have here and now in our frantic search for ‘more’. Thanks so much for reading and sharing your thoughts!

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  3. This is also my favorite read. It must be a blessing to have lived in places that can influence your idea of “happiness” on a daily basis. That’s something you can carry with you always. Harder to do here in the US where the illusion of happiness permeates daily life.

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    1. Hi Cindy! It isn’t always easy navigating a different culture on a daily basis, but there are definitely valuable lessons to be learned. And you’re right, I have been forever changed by such experiences. Thanks so much for your comments and support!

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  4. Very interesting Henry! I observed much the same when living in un-western countries! It put a new perspective on things for me too! I remember being amazed at how happy and laughing Venezuelans were when I lived there! It uplifted me totally! Peace…Peta

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  5. This article really hits home. Most folks who use “retail therapy” to feel happier (I include myself as a dedicated member of that club), never ever get happy for long. True happiness comes from connecting fully to the people and activities that we love. You described this beautifully.

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    1. I agree–the high that comes from buying a new gadget/device/whatever doesn’t last for long, and in the end is quite unsatisfying. Writing this post was a bit of mental therapy for myself, as just ‘being’ and allowing myself to enjoy the moment is always a challenge for me. Thanks so much for commenting!

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  6. This was such an interesting read.
    I went to Port Vila in Vanuatu last year and was blown away with how happy the people were despite living in little shelters they had made from scrap and having little to no possessions. It was a bit of a reality check for me , all the things we constantly “want” have no relevance to truly being happy.
    Thanks for sharing! 🙂

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    1. Yes, that’s my experience as well in most of the poorer countries I’ve lived in. Certainly a good life lesson for spoiled Westerners, myself included. Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts!

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  7. This article worth every second I spent to read it. I think you should consider making a documentary or a book or something. Or have you? Please inform me if you have.

    I’ll just add a little. Living in a Muslim society and as a Muslim myself, I agree that the Holy Quran, as well as the Prophet’s teaching, give me kinda ‘shortcut’ (and this is my word of choice, not yours!) to the daily conducts, yet we are also encouraged (even obliged) to contemplate on every rule and restriction (so that we don’t do things blindly). Which gives me more reasons to read scientific journals or just basic science, which the results many times (I came across) are aligned with the religious customs.

    Secondly, in Southeast Asia, being so much family oriented community can become very problematic when you’re a little different from the rest of the family. In my country, for example, some professions are hugely favored than the others. With this, being true to ourselves and our potentials can be much of a challenge. The irony is when you’re not so smart, your parent won’t expect much from you, you’re free to be anything you want. But, when you’re smart enough and have more chance for education, then you’ll be expected to become a doctor, a banker, etc (depend on your parent’s and family’s preference). If you choose to be something, let’s say, a more “humble” profession, then you may be regarded as a failure, as you’ve failed them. We, the Asian people, from my point of view, face more struggles when it comes to finding our independence with our thoughts. I often feel trapped in the shadow of my parents’ and the community perspective. But, I’m aware that this concern probably is prevalent in other parts of the globe.

    Thanks a lot for the article!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Thanks so much for adding your insights. Some of the Asian students I’ve taught in the past have discussed the same problems you mentioned, and it’s true that parental pressures can be a problem in many cultures. It’s difficult to be true to yourself and to the desires of others, especially in today’s world where technology is rapidly changing employment opportunities. Still, I think there’s so much value in learning about other cultures and borrowing the best aspects. Thanks for reading and sharing!

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